In a, move that surprised the world, the United Nations has announced that is is turning all of Jerusalem over to the Disney Corporation. "Everyone is happy all the time in any Disney theme park", proclaimed Abbas and Netanyahu, as they returned from their state visit to Walt Disney World. "And we both want our people to be happy, too".
The Happiest City on EarthFlanked by Mickey Mouse in an Israel Defense Force uniform and Minnie wearing a burka, the leaders explained, "As we all know, the possession of Jerusalem has been a major roadblock to the two-state solution that both sides have been seeking for so long. We have both rejected the Vatican's offer to supervise the Holy City, but who could refuse a proposal to make the Holy City into the Happiest City on Earth?"
With typical Disney efficiency, the attractions are scheduled to open within a month, starting with "Great Moments with Isaac and Ishmael", "Pirates of the Mediterranean", and "It's a Small Continent". Aladdin and Jasmine will be on hand to personally welcome visitors to the Dome of the Rock, while Timon the Jewish meercat will greet guests at the Western Wall, along with his friends Pumbaa the Wart Hog and Simba the Lion King of Judah.
The only possible problem is that admission is expected to cost 10,000 shekles and drachma a day.